Breathing
by Orokid
Summary: It's been four years since the end of the anime. One year since Shizuma decided that she couldn't continue their relationship. What is Nagisa doing? Breathing... Waiting... For Shizuma.


_**Orokid: So… I was kind of bored when I started writing this, to tell the truth. I had been listening to a Chris Cagle song ("I Breathe In, I Breathe Out") for an hour or two, and had gotten this idea in my head about how Nagisa and Hikari might be having a conversation about Shizuma, who had broken up with Nagisa because of the emotions she still felt toward Kaori. The ending may seem a little strange, but… I had really wanted it to end well- even if the song only talks about constant longing and nothing more. I'm just weird like that. Haha.**_

_**Moving on… Disclaimer time!!**_

_**Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Strawberry Panic!. That belongs completely to the author, the manga illustrator and the company that bought the rights to produce it. Since I'm none of those, that means I have no ownership of it.**_

**Breathing**

The day had been what one might call pleasant, birds chirping happily in the trees as a gentle spring breeze would pass through their feathers with ease. The sun seemed to shine it's brightest for the first time in a long while, giving those beneath it's rays the loving warmth only God could grant upon His believers. Every sense in Nagisa's body seemed ecstatic to greet the day, ready to meet any change that might come her way.

So it had seemed somewhat ironic that she had run into a friend from her schooling years, asking the one question she doubted that she would ever be ready to answer.

"How's Shizuma-oneesama?"

The words had torn through her entire being, and she had felt her heart break in two from the pain that had been unknowingly done to her. It had been a long while since she had dared to think about the woman, knowing how it would hurt her heart so.

Nagisa inhaled, hoping to find the breath that she had lost so that she could make a statement. Slowly, she exhaled, allowing her nerves to calm as much as they would. "I… don't exactly know, Hikari-chan." A nervous laugh exited her lips, and she smiled despite the obvious displease that it gave her. "I haven't seen her in over a year."

Large surprised eyes greeted her, and she couldn't deny that it hadn't been a plausible reaction to the news. Once upon a time, back when she and her beloved had first met, she could have sworn that she and her beautiful Shizuma would have last the end of the world. Now, after four years had passed them by, she was forced to face a reality that seemed like a bitter tart in a world of sweets. The love that she would've died for in the past had come and gone, and there was no returning to those wonderful years.

"I'm so sorry, Nagisa-chan." At those words, she felt herself to be a fourth grader once more, grasping for the strings of emotion that had dangled just out of her reach for so long. Nagisa could remember well her sixteen year old heart- and how it had shattered once she had learned that a frail girl named Kaori had been the one who inhabited her lover's heart. "What happened?"

The red haired young woman smiled a bittersweet smile, losing herself to the memories she now drowned within. "She just said that…"

Once more, she was twenty years old, gazing across a small coffee sop table at the only woman in the universe who could make her heart race. The silver haired goddess was staring down at her cup of cooling liquid. The saddened eyes upon her lover made it almost impossible to force a grin like she usually could. Within her gut, she somehow knew that something horrible was about to come from the beauty's lips.

Then they had been spoken, and the woman she had loved with all her heart had stood and left, their relationship within shambles. There, at that table, she had forgotten of the world and bared her broken heart.

Her mind returned to it's twenty-two year old body, and she somehow found a smile to disguise her pain. "She said that there were things in her life that had to be put to rest once and for all before she could commit herself any more than she already had."

The shy blonde haired friend from her past could obviously see straight through the grin that she had presented to her. Her pain was as readable as ever, written across her features with invisible ink that most could read. Nonetheless, Hikari did enough to attempt as though Nagisa's little white lie had paid off. "So… what do you do now?"

"I go on with my life." The red head could admit to herself that the statement she had said had probably been one of the truest things she had spoken in quite a while. "I breathe. I live." A soft half felt smile crossed the girl's lips, her eyes dimming ever so slightly as her past few months returned to her. The loneliness… The lies she told herself and to others… Everything was back again, nested deep within her sub-consciousness. "And…" She found a light to illuminate the mahogany orbs, forcing down the lump in her throat that was causing her eyes to water just a bit. "… I wait."

An inquisitive glace answered her final words, and she knew immediately what the young woman wanted to ask her. Curious blue eyes centered upon the saddened reddish-brown, forcing the truth out of the girl without a word to be uttered. Nonetheless, with the question ringing loudly in their ears, it soon became words that were said aloud. "What exactly are you waiting for, Nagisa-chan?"

The red haired woman inhaled deeply, pushing forth a large yet painful grin onto her face. "For her to realize that… I'm the one that she's been looking for her entire life." Her smile faltered a bit, and her eyes seemed to lose their sincere sparkle that she had back during her high school years. "Not the ghost of poor Kaori-san who still chases after her." Pulling herself together once more, she forced on a grin that might remind those who knew her of the time that the sickly girl had been brought into her life that time before. "Until then, I'm willing just to breathe in and breathe out."

Hikari blinked, surprised at Nagisa's willingness to remain faithful to the woman who had ended their relationship after so many trials that had been set up by fate to pull them apart.

It was then that the blonde's memory went back, gazing at herself as she had been as a sixteen year old, adoring her Amane-chan more than any other fan had ever had the chance to. For years, their families had squabbled over their relationship, deeming in unreasonable in the day's society and the like. For years, they had remained true no matter the turmoil that had been pitted against them, and her beloved had held her tight through the nights that she seemed more than willing to break beneath the pressure. They had fought, they had loved, and they had remained as the other's no matter what.

In some ways, Nagisa's purity seemed to somehow make her emotions toward her beautiful oneesama more worthy than the ones that she herself had toward her beloved Amane. And, in those ways, she felt her heart ache for her friend.

It was then that she had remembered the one whom had always remained by the red haired woman's side, watching her as though the girl may have been too fragile to touch. Even if that gaze gave away her true intentions at time, the girl had always been the one who had loved her at least as much as everyone assumed the Etoilé had… if not more. "Nagisa-chan, whatever happened to Tamao-chan? Do you hear from her still?"

The girl smiled softly, trying to keep her mind clean from the loneliness that bothered her so. "At times." For a moment, she was happy to speak of something that was outside of her personal affairs, dealing with a subject now that she had a better chance of not getting emotional over. "After graduating from Miatré, I had moved in with Shizuma, and Tamao-chan had traveled to France to test her poetry before a cultured audience. In that time, we… grew apart, I suppose."

"You could… look her up, Nagisa-chan." She knew that she shouldn't have been suggesting such a thing, having described the love Nagisa had felt for the former Etoile much like the emotions she had felt for her beloved Prince. But… this woman was a good friend of hers who had supported her all the way, whom had kept their group together through the tough times with that carefree childlike smile she had always worn. There was no way she could not suggest it, wanting nothing more than the girl's happiness. "She always did love you more than any other friend."

"Even if I did that," the red haired beauty began, "I know that I wouldn't be able to commit myself to it." She heaved a small sigh. "In the end, I would be asking the same thing that Shizuma wished from me. And while I may care for Tamao-chan, I know that I'd always love Shizuma more." The twenty-two year old red head offered up a sad and pain filled smile. "So… I'll wait until the world stop turning. I'll keep living and breathing for her instead of force someone to take my pain."

'_She had considered it…'_ Hikari thought in surprise, gazing at the girl with soft and saddened blue orbs. She supposed that it only seemed natural, wanting to love someone if the one you adore is no where in sight, but she knew and understood that Nagisa had felt the idea through wholly instead of going at it with half of an attempt. _'But she'll still wait for her, no matter how long it'll take.'_ The young blonde gave the other girl a grin, giving her a satisfied gaze. _'Shizuma-oneesama… Why couldn't you see that you were meant to be?'_

"Nagisa-ch-" It was then that Hikari had noticed that the other's eyes had disappeared over her shoulder, gazing forlornly at something or someone that seemed just out of reach. It hadn't even taken her a second to guess whom it had been. Nonetheless, she turned her head an gazed down the small road at a lone figure gazing at the two of them with uncomfortable eyes.

Shizuma Hanazono.

Hikari could only offer up a smile toward her, wondering why the woman had shown her face then and there after causing her younger lover such pain. But no matter how much she may have wanted to protect her dear friend from the trials and tribulations of love, she knew that this was something the red haired beauty had to do on her own. They all had to.

Without a word, Hikari was once more on her way, deeming that it was probably the best course of action she could take in such a situation.

The silver haired woman walked forward, emerald eyes centered upon the mahogany hues of her lover's. Nagisa felt her knees weaken, her throat clenching out of old habit from the years that she had dreaded and adored the attention of this person, and she felt her eyes water with each step the woman took. The woman stopped inches away from her, pausing for a moment before taking the girl into her arms lovingly. "Nagisa-chan, I'm so sorry for making you wait." The voice had wavered, and the words had seemed to jumble in a mess of what Nagisa could assume was tears flowing down her face. "This past year I… I couldn't seem to be able to breathe without needing to see you."

The younger of the two lovers held tightly to the beautiful goddess, letting her joyful tears fall onto the rich cotton blouse that Shizuma wore. A grin brimming with more happiness she had ever felt in her life spread across her features. "Don't worry, Shizuma. I was breathing for the both of us."

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Hikari watched on from a small distance away, a gentle yet loving hand upon her shoulder. She gazed up at her lover, the woman that had once been called a 'prince' by her peers, and leaned against her with a loving smile on her lips. "Let's keep breathing together, Amane, okay?"

"Alright, Hikari-chan."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_**Orokid: Wow. I actually passed two pages. This is something that I've had trouble with for a bit because of my Writer's Block, but… I PASSED IT!! ^w^ I'm so freakin' happy, you have no idea. Haha.**_

_**Anyway… I wanted to write something that seemed really sad at the beginning but got better at the end- something I used to be able to do in my past writings. I hope I was able to do it, but I would like to hear your thoughts and feelings about everything that I've written. If you could, I would sincerely appreciate a critique, but I am more than willing to accept anything and everything that you might be willing to give.**_

_**Well… except those flames. Those are bad. Especially when there's no reason to get them.**_


End file.
